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AINT THAT THE TRUTH!

So I must admit to my inner Velvet Rage! I grew up in the Suburbs of Washington DC and life for me was void of excitement and interest.It seemed at some point around my early adolescence, I became obsessed with the idea of life being full of adventures.

I loved any movie that was set in Europe or an exotic location. I especially was devoted to James Bond. High speed chases and danger all around were my escapes. I was lucky enough to grow up around trees and quiet country roads. I would imagine myself on high speed chases,pedaling for my life on my Electric Blue Mongoose. If I was feeling particularly adventurous I would take on Construction sites.

I used to have a living room in the woods. Someone discarded a green sofa in a Clearing in the Woods beyond my neighborhood park.It was my lair. I would hatch plans to assassinate Despots and Terrorists. It was my place of safety.

As I grew, I yearned to be an international citizen. The word international gleamed in my head. Borders were nothing but imaginary lines, drawn by greedy men , seeking to control the most uncontrollable force on earth, Humanity. I was eager to join the world in a progression to Utopia. A world where I was an Earthling and not an American. That's why I have no problem picking up and moving to this day.

But underneath it all, I know its the Boogeyman. The narrative I created for myself in order to escape the tedium of life in the Burbs. Growing up in a Military Family, moving was a way of life. When my mother was honorably discharged from service, we retired to Clinton,Md. Where she could easily access her veterans access to Andrew Air Force Base. Our home was nice, and had a pool in the backyard. There were a few repairs needed.My life became a renovation project. It never turned out quite right.

My teen years in Suburbia fueled my urge for City living. I never want to return to the Suburbs. I never want to be bored and looking at just my neighbors house again. I never want to go from window to window and see virtually the same picture everyday. Barring changes in Weather or additions to the decor of my neighbors homes, the view was permanent. It gave me the feeling of entrapment.It was a prison. A mental prison ,nonetheless, I felt the need to RUN!I have ever since.

I want to stop, and lay safely in my over sized bed.I want to enjoy a prescription induced slumber. I want to stay out all night at parties with Artists and Dancers. I want to park my car in my garage with electric door. I want to accept invitations to visit friends in Villas on Private Islands. I want to have a dog. I want a husband. I want to have affairs. I want what I want. A life full of desire. Instead I keep packing and moving.

AINT THAT THE TRUTH!

What dont happen in a year
Happens in a Day!
Dem Say

So Atlanta is finally unfolding for me. Letting me in to see the social side of this otherwise working class town. I had the best weekend ever! Here is the rundown.

Friday

I am dressed in my favorite uniform, Blue jean jacket and distressed denim pants. I have accented the blues with a beautiful pumpkin orange silk scarf. My new street hikers are olive green and they gently blend into the worn edges of my jeans. I feel very sexy.

I'm off to attend a Talk Show. Its talk show as installation piece by Atlanta artist, Fahamu Pecou. The guests include the editor-in-chief of local rag Creative Loafing, a local Art Critic, a guitar playing man mummified in Toilet Paper, and a founding producer of the Dungeon Family hip hop crew. I stood in the back. I learned so much about Atlanta pop culture. This City seems to be much more aware of the death of Nightlife than any other , I have encountered. I figure its due to the amount of Money, Atlanta saw during that period. As usual, I'm always too late for the real fun.

The ease with which everyone related was refreshing. It showed a capacity for diversity, that I feared this City lacked. Fahamu's candid nature and, fashionable appearance helped to maintain the edge of the scene. Mnsr. Pecou sports a "Gumby" ( that I learned in Atlanta has a much more complicated name), wears vintage suiting, and never removes his aviators. He is Bobby Brown meets Chris Rock with a sprinkling of Austin Powers.

Saturday

I FB'd Fahamu. We ended up chatting for quite a while.He is BRILLIANT! I am very excited about seeing more of his Art and his productions.

Later in the Afternoon,it finally happened. I got my boo to come over and chill with me. One problem, he wasn't free to come until the evening. He ended up showing up, right in time to pull me away from my BFF's housewarming. Luckily the BFF lives in the same apartment complex!

Between running back and forth to the party to pretend like I was indeed there, I was laying in my bedroom smooching and talking to my new boo. Luckily, the BFF never caught on. He was too wasted.

We ended that night at out local Boy Bar. Drunk and stumbly. I don't remember, how I got home.

Sunday

I got him twice! My boo and I decided to catch a movie. I got the tix online and we met up at the GAYTACULAR Piedmont park. He had been out chilling with friends. It was a nice casual meet up. I could tell they were a little taken aback, by his size. What can I say! I love a Big Ol' teddy bear! I hugged him Hello. Hugged my friends Goodbye. These are the days when I feel the most blessed. I can feel safe to love in my own way in the Sunshine! No need to go darting in dark corners or back alleys. I can love out in the open. To know within my lifetime that this occurred is beautiful. To know it doesn't happen everywhere, and I get to experience it, is very humbling.

We saw Date Night. Starring Tina Fey and Steve Corell, this movie is funny x 10. It was a perfect movie for two SNL fans on their first real date. We ended the night, walking off the Burgers we had for dinner at Atkins Park ( I know perfect name for a Burger joint). I enjoyed a cup of Ben& Jerry's Oatmeal Crunch, while we strolled down North Highland. A strip of Bars and boutiques a little off the main roads. It was a perfect night.

So as you can see, I haven't been blogging this week. That's because the weekend extended to Wednesday! I will give you part deux, manana! LOL!

AINT THAT THE TRUTH!

Talk to Me

Your always actin so composed and cool

Never got many words for me

You always turn your head to make sure I see

Baby ain't nothin wrong with the love

You and I dream of, So sweet

Your eyes can say more than your lips can speak

Amerie

Sometimes when you are getting to know someone, you have to rely on emotional intelligence. More often than not, you should back up your intuition with communication. The scenario, I try to avoid is the misconception that creates miscommunication.

I have been the victim of fantasies my entire life. I am a Tall, Athletically built, African-American Male. People would always walk up to me and ask me about football and girlfriends. I am non-gender performing. As a Poet once noted I stand flat footed, akimbo, with hands firmly on hips. I am at ease with my feminine nature.

Dating men, the fantasies have ranged from stereotyping to fetish. I look intimidating, people say. This leads to men approaching me to be dominated. I have a masculine appearance ( stereotypically). This leads to men disappointed by my gay cultural mannerisms. I make no apologies, but I am a sophist. I behave according to the environment.

The worst fantasy to be cast in is that of relationship monger. This often occurs when one participant is a commitment phobe ( usually unaware), and the other is a communicator. Heterosexual couples tend to rely on gender stereotypes to explain this scenario. Being SGL when one faces this crises, it can often leave both parties pointing fingers.

I have witnessed numerous weekend plans, conversations about goals, or inquiries like" what are you up to" cause breakups between male/male couples.The commitment phobe (CP) assumes everything is about gaining control. The communicator assumes every omission is a tactic. Assumptions although problematic are natural. It is the conscious effort to dispel the perception, that builds a relationship.

The CP has to realize that all interactions are a relationship. In every communication your a gaining more access to a person and them to you. No matter what you do. The unavoidable consequence of social interaction is a memory. Make it the best one you can.

The communicator has to act definitively and without fear. Problems tend to erupt from coding your inquiries. Realize your intentions are only transparent to you. Talk from intention. And be ready to listen.

It is neither persons fault that relationships fail. The failure of a coupling has too many variables to point blame. Open you heart. Open your eyes. Look with your mind. Hear with your soul.

AINT THAT THE TRUTH!

Daddy's Home

I ain't gotta do a lot of flexin

Shorty you already know what it is

And girl tonight we gonna do a lot of sexin

Can't nobody do your body like this .

Usher

So one of my mentor's was curious about current day ATL. He said he left this City more than a decade ago. I am guessing he hasn't been back. I don't blame him.

The culture of this City is best described as, What one person cant get away with another one can. It may not be your style to wear a wig in 80 degree weather,with a creme and chocolate pinstriped suit, but that guy did and he loves it!That's not a sign of mental illness, he just like wearing that! Don't you judge him.

But I do. I judge people based on how they prepare for the elements. I discern whether a person is safe or not by how they move. I look for signs that a person is genuine or not. If none of that is important to you, you will love Atlanta.

I have met some of the most inconsistent, inconsiderate, downright crazy people I have ever met in all of my years. I have been stood up, lied to, begged from, and callously handled more in Atlanta than New York City, Washington D.C., and Boston combined. I assure you, the offenders are all Atlantans or Southerners. ( It is often argued that most of the offensive people here are Northerners).

The biggest problem with Atlanta's culture is it is in denial. The roads take you through not to, so Downtown Atlanta is skid row. Gas is expensive, yet most people live and work in opposite suburbs. Most people I know commute at least 45 minutes to work. The biggest industry is Service/Hospitality. A field known for late hours. Yet, Public transportation is scarce.There is no Medicare, yet there is one institution responsible for providing health care for the cities growing uninsured population. The African American community presents itself as a force but leave millions of Atlanta residents homeless or living in blight.

The Architecture is contemporary and creates a sprawling skyline. By sprawling I mean, disconnected. There are about 5 skylines and they belong to varying centers of business. There is Dunwoody, Buckhead. Smyrna, Downtown, and Midtown. I often see one to the east but I refuse to venture that way. This creates a lot of centers of population. People live everywhere! You will not have the comfort of running into your friends at the supermarket. Forget late night meet ups at IHOP! Your friends are too exhausted and live too far away.

This makes dating almost impossible. But the denial virus spreads quickly. Invites to Come Chill are frequent. That's because travel, gas, and restaurant tabs are too expensive for random dating. Plus he probably lives in some unremarkable place that you will never find in daylight on your own. He is not worried about that anyways, because he will probably move next month. Lease!Schmease!

The saving grace of Atlanta is the Land. It is a rolling lush green paradise of deciduous and evergreen forests. It is so brilliantly blue and green looking out over Atlanta's landscape that I often feel that I am on another planet. It is hyper real. There are lakes and Mountains nearby. The pervasive Kudzu that overtakes buildings and empty lots. This is why I love Atlanta.

I guess something can be said for a City that lets people openly be the messes we are. It is taking some adjustment. Where I consider home, people are very clear about there personality. Up north, people take great strains to protect their private lives. Not down here! People wont say what they are thinking, but they will clearly demonstrate their distaste. It is a very human place. I will keep you posted as to if I'm home for good.
AINT THAT THE TRUTH!

Come Close to Me

Your heart and mind, baby, follow it,
Smile, happiness you can model it,
And when you feel opposite,
I just want you to know,
Your whole being is beautiful
Common


You don't know what to do about what you are feeling. The entire scenario has climaxed. It is not what you wanted, planned, or expected. Its a disappointment. All you have left is, WHY?

The questions are the same for every scenario. No matter what the extremity of the situation.Banal to violent, the events that led to this point lead a path back to intention.Relationship building is the work of intuiting and understanding your partners motives.

You read a text and wonder about word choice.

It all started with a reply. I was invited to hang with him and friends. Mr.Suburban had made it clear he was not interested in making an extra effort so that I could come. I contemplated joining him later in the evening and was rebuffed. " They are acting a fool..."What!? In my head, this is an evasion. I say "Ok :( Enjoy Urself". I thought over it all night.

There is the step after you know you are attracted to each other. In this level of coupling, you are supposed to start adventuring.Memories of your times together must be crafted in a unique way. You take each others hands and run off to find a space where you can enjoy being yourselves. Separately yet together you will look for ways to impress each other with the world you see. Showing off objects and abilities developed in your imagination communicates to your new friend, your capacity for trust.I feel me and Mr. Suburban have skipped this part. A unscheduled detour that we did not have enough fuel to complete.

Then it happened. He text me, after I had written him off. I executed a strategic text conversation to allow my feelings to come out without abrupt disorder. I was pleasant. In actuality, I was livid. I felt taken for granted and dismissed. That I wasn't enough to attract this brutha back my way. I was ashamed.

In an act of chivalry he initiated a phone conversation. I felt relieved to hear him listen to my complaints. I did my best to keep it simple.

When you were a kid and found a new friend, you kept a tally of the extremity of offenses committed to you.Your feeble attempts to gain revenge or stop the infractions, developed the power dynamic of your relationship. Hopefully on your way to self development you discovered the concept Positive Reciprocity. That love is feeling you are fed and its contagious, you spread it. It is energy that reverberates a powerful abundant feeling. When you feel the unloving act of a new friend you must firm your boundaries.

We discussed the infraction and he mended his error with an apology. More than the apology was the acknowledgement that his actions had a negative impact on me. Today I feel very positive about us. Today I feel like I, indeed have a new friend.


AINT THAT THE TRUTH!

Venus As a Boy

Its so Lonely
When I'm only
Being Me
Janelle Monae

I am an Oddball! I have deduced the origins of my un-mainstreamness to stem from several sources.I am the Military brat son of a Military brat raised in the (then) most affluent African American Suburb in the nation ( therefore, the world). My peers recognized my difference enough to nominate me as the Most Unique person of my class. ( Yes! I am proud of that!)

It has never been easy being me. There are so many things I just don't understand. Somehow I manage to make it in the world. When I have conversations and someone uses the ubiquitous "they", as in "You know what they Say?" I always wondered who they were. I assumed these they people must have it right. I have spent the better part of my life studying the "They"s. I found out that "They" are not plural. They is a singular entity. They is code.

I know I am strong willed. I have very little patience for laziness, especially when it comes to how someone treats me.

So today, I have to report that the news is officially in. He's not that into me. He may be into me somewhat. But not THAT into me. I could accept it, if he didn't make such half hearted efforts to persuade me.

I am waiting for a text or a phone call, to determine when he will be arriving to whisk me off to the suburbs for supper with his friends. He assured me that his friends were eager to see me. That they were curious , in regards to, me and the progression of our coupling. Mid-afternoon, I decide to text him. He makes me aware that his brunch plans were stalling out. I assured him I was free for dinner, but needed to be back by 7pm. I was double booked for Easter supper. Next text he informs me the evenings timetable has changed and dinner would be served at 6pm.

All this continued for several more lines of conversation, until I decided to cancel. He didn't seem to have a plan in place. Worse, he didn't ask how he could make sure he spent some time with me that night or later in the week. I don't read in between the lines well. Imma need you to say something baby. And preferably it's Get over her and take them draws off!OWWW!

I wont go further into the details of the conversation, but things went from bad to worse. We ended up not seeing each other at all last night. Weekend #2 since we revealed our mutual crushes and singlesness. A month plus after we initially met. According to my clock, we should be rockin and rollin!

I was talking to my friend TV about it all, and he agreed that the fella seemed to not be that into me. He told me to continue living my life, and don't distance myself. I can try. But I know what I know. Spring has sprung and if my eyes land on another, then my Mr. Suburban will be parked for an Expedition with a convertible Roadster. As of now there are know prospects on the Horizon. Maybe I will meet a cutie at the Janelle Monae concert tomorrow!

AINT THAT THE TRUTH!