I want your LOVE
Love Love Love
I want your Love
Lady Gaga
Believe it or not I was one of the guys in my younger years. I counted in my circle the most sought after boys of the 6th grade. We went to the arcade together. We went to the mall together. We slept over each others places. I felt safe among my brothers.
By 8th grade this had all changed. It seems they all had perceived my latent homosexuality before me, and had started an elegant sidestep out of our friendships. I being the ever naive fairy I am, ignored their disinterest and preserved my worldview that people meant the best for me. I was cute and funny. My social calendar was full. I was a hit, with my Oaktree wardrobe and Jukebox TV dance moves.I was a star!
My first rude awakening came in the summer between middle school and high school. I had a roller coaster year with my newest bff. Freddy was a recent transplant from another suburb of DC. His parents were divorced. His mother, sister, and he were starting over. I could identify with his new boy status.I had become the new kid many times in my life. I also identified with his theatrical behavior. He was loud and gregarious, just like me. But in a far more masculine way. We became friends over long phone conversations.We basically ignored each other during school.
We had a but of a rowe at the end of the school year and Freddy began to pull away. There was some confusion over a joint class project. He failed and I got an A.He eventually saw my point and he changed his attitude. We became friends again or so I thought.
Midway through the Summer I started receiving threatening phone calls. An old man disguising his voice threatened to kidnap me from the bus stop on my first day of school. I had encountered prank callers before so I was unfazed.Upon deciphering my non-chalance the prankster escalated by speaking to my mother. Telling her that I was seen getting into strange men's cars before school the year before. That I sat with him until the bus came. That I sometimes pulled off with him and showed up to school late. My mother interrogated me like I was a terrorist threat!
The pranksters were brilliant! I couldn't *69 the number , because they *72'ed it blocking it. I finally decided on a process of elimination. Thinking of everyone that had my phone number and the audacity to pull this off. My deduction lead to Freddy. But before I could call him out, I received a call.
Freddy was on the phone with a fellow classmate. I had not really spoken to Freddy all Summer, although, I had called repeatedly. I just thought he was busy. This conference was about those calls. I wondered where he was and why he had not bothered to return my calls. He said I called to much and I had become a pest. The light bulb went off! I wasn't a pest, he just stopped being my friend and forgot to tell me. I told him as much, and he sadly agreed.
Although we attended the same high school. Even though we had neighboring home rooms. While he dated my closest female friend. He and I ignored each other completely. By the end of the Senior year he was voted most likely to succeed and I was voted most unique. I would rather be unique than "successful" any day!But that encounter hurts me to this day.
I was watching Glee on Hulu. I rarely watch. I rarely watch television. This episode connected for me in a way I forgot TV could. In the episode the theme of Gender and Family roles were etched in every scene. The plot line that touched me most was of the Jock and the Faerie.
Their parents are dating, and have taken the step to move in together. Merging the two households proves difficult for the young masculine character because of his perception of the effeminate character. Forced to share space, the Jock decides that things have gone to far when the Faerie decides to turn their space in to a tent fit for a Sheik. The father of the Faerie has to step in when the Jock abuses the term Faggoty, enough to raise an eyebrow.
When the dad takes a stand for his Faerie son, I realized that this episode was a message. The message to me was that men can always take a stand not to hate. Hate is a virus and it creeps around in the hearts of men and can cripple.
The episode went on to tackle sisterhood, motherhood, and individuality. I saw so much in this one episode. Another lesson came from the male members of the club rejecting Gaga in favor of Kiss! Brilliant! In order to fulfill their lesson of theatricality they embraced the Goth glam of the Legends of Kiss! After everyone shed their wigs and makeup the question remained who the people were underneath.
After losing all of my male cohorts, during my freshman year. I began to feel a freedom I had not known. In order to express this freedom, I started to dress strangely. I would wear layers and mash-ups of colors and patterns. One of my favorite looks was a faded salmon and navy striped shirt, I would pair with a long sleeved t underneath ( in any color), a graphic t (under the striped shirt but over the long sleeved t, also in any color). I would pair all of that with thrift store pants of various eras and cuts. My miss-matched style became the talk of the school ( good and bad)! I never listened to any of it. They way I dressed saved my life.
I was a depressed teenager. I had lost my friends that I came to high school with. I was living in a depressed home. And then there was the other statistical data. Dressing without rules gave me a real world example of boundlessness. I love the impossible. Its what I love most about myself. I never dressed weird for controversy. I did it because it was a statement from me to the world that the rules didn't apply to me. If they wished they could not apply the rules too and be whoever they wanted to be.Others were not my interest though. It was all about saving my spirit.
So the next time you see a strangely dressed person, realize that strange is relative. And we are all Family.
AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH!
