Window Seat

I need for you to want me
I was thinking and discussing my past relationships with my SistaGurl Destine. I am often the one giving her the advice, so I rarely flip the script. Besides the fact she has the attention span of a gnat. But since I rarely enter into courtship, I needed someone to let me vent. She obliged and I had an epiphany,I am terrible at dating!
I thought I was a perfect date. I am full of wit and energy. The conversation will ebb and flow with hints of devilish flirtation. I think of a date with me like having a never-ending supply of your favorite bubbly refreshment. Its after that, its the third and fourth dates where I stumble.

It may be because I am often in very clandestine affairs.
Enter the Nigerian

He is a Napoleon sized charmer with a thick west African accent. He tends to giggle with a sense of aloofness, especially when discussing politics. He is a Republican. This is not going to work. However, on the third date,he says" You are my boyfriend, I don't care what you say!" I thought it was cute. I agreed and we stayed together for nearly a year.
I lived in a rooming house in D.C's Columbia Hgts neighborhood. I had the top floor street facing room. I pretended that it was a Parisian apartment. I hung posters and had tons of junk everywhere. And this is where we had our relationship.
He had children and lived in the suburbs with them. He divorced the mother a year earlier and he had just started to venture into the World of Men. He would always say "I don't see very many happy men that are Gay" I understood what he was saying. He meant he wanted to be happy and felt a great fear that he wouldn't experience the joys that he had with his heterosexual relationships. Milestones like Engagement,Marriage, and children all seemed like purely Male/Female relationship practices. he had not been exposed to HomoMatrimony or SGL Partners as Family heads. I decided I would love him enough to change his mind.
He did real estate work. appraisals and property inspection. We would go on long road trips to rural areas in Maryland, West Virginia, and Virginia. We listened to talk radio and country music ( his favorite). The only exception was Robin Thicke's " Lost Without You". Lawst Weeeth-ouT U. He would hold my hand and say in his curt little accent. I loved him.
He was obsessed with getting us a condo in the city. But I refused to give up my neighborhood. He accused me of not trying to compromise. I reminded him we were fine in my little room. I understood he wanted a new level to our relationship. So I focused on his other obsession. My becoming a property investigator. I had just bought a used cargo van from a family friend and started doing courier work. He paid for my gas and helped me a lot. I promised I would eventually take on Properties, but I was just getting used to driving again. I hated IT! But I loved the freedom.
We would check in on the road and see if we were near each other. And one day we were. We had never met for lunch ( We have several times since). I sat in my van waiting for him to arrive. When I saw his Sedan pull in I smiled at him, he nodded coldly at me. I jumped out my vehicle and sauntered over to his. He got out very briskly and walked right past me. When we sat down I asked if he was having a bad day. "No, In fact i am having a very productive day." We ordered our lunches and ate them silently. He whipped out his Gold Am ex and paid the bill. Then shot a look at me. "You could have paid for this if you began doing like I said and added some properties to your daily runs." I smiled and said Thank You, for Lunch.
I began to slowly withdraw from our relationship. One early summer night we sat down for an impromptu dinner on the banks of the C&O Canal. It was a full moon and we were particularly chatty. He asked me what I wanted to do for our anniversary. I said Montreal. He looked at me very sternly and said he wasn't ready for international travel. I didn't consider him having children as a part of this decision. I believed he was more afraid of taking our relationship out of my room. I felt it and I said so. He admitted that beyond having never done such an extravagant thing with any of his past lovers, he thought the idea was silly.He suggested for me to pick a nice hotel and we would just fuck and order room service. I mentioned that was basically what we did already.I called him a week later and broke it off. I could hear his sadness. I could hear him acknowledge his inability to be free. He said he would still buy me that condo, if he found a foreclosure in my neighborhood. I went to Montreal anyways. By Myself.
,AINT THAT THE TRUTH!